Ray’s Rays Number 15

Judging and Condemning

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

Go ahead and judge.

Watching others and learning from what they do

and/or don’t do is good information. It’s also

a judgment. Judging for yourself whether or not

to do, or not do, something based on an observation

of someone else is a healthy thing.

The trick is not to condemn–

unless they’re nazis, fascists, racist police, or TERFS.

Those we can safely judge as total and complete shitheads

and it’s more than OK to condemn the fuckers.

But in general, we have no right to condemn others.

That’s not healthy socially, mentally, spiritually, or, at times, physically.

People conflate judging and condemning, but they’re not

the same thing. One is helpful and we can learn from it,

the other isn’t (unless it’s the afore mentioned shitheads).

Judging someone you admire and respect–that you want

to emulate, and learn from in positive ways—that’s completely valid.

Judging someone from a place of toxic superiority doesn’t

go well. Is the way someone is acting, or what they’re saying,

positive and healthy, or hurtful and destructive? If you think about it

those are judgments. And they’re completely valid.

Conversation stoppers like the phrase: “Don’t judge,”

aren’t helpful when having an important discussion. They demonstrate

an unwillingness to engage, for whatever reason. They’re not

fair (which is a judgment), and neither are they helpful

(another judgment). They can also be used to defend toxic,

racist, shitty behaviors (that too is a judgment).

So, judge others, judge yourself, and do both with compassion,

empathy, and a humble desire to learn. Try not to

condemn. That goes nowhere and also stops

important dialogues that sometimes need to happen.

Keep your judgments to yourself, unless

you’re calling out transphobia, Islamophobia, and all

other forms of hate. Then shout, or perhaps whisper

like an angry, menacing vampire.