heard a man say he had done several kind deeds at his work place over the
course of a week. As he told his tale he
spoke about his kindness with regret because, he had, in his eyes, done the
good deeds for the wrong motives.
“I was just
being self-centered,” he said, “as I did those good things all I kept thinking
about was how others would think I was great.”
I smiled at
him and said, “So what?”
he said, “I was being selfish.”
“Yes. My motives were all wrong,” he said.
“So what?” I
said again, “If we waited for our thoughts and motives to be “pure” we’d never
do anything nice. The main thing is you
did several kind things at your place of employment. You made the world a
better place. That’s what really
persisted, “I only did those things so the other people would like me. That’s selfish.”
stop saying that?” he said getting more and more annoyed.
to get you to see that we all want to be liked and loved. Being socially accepted is an instinct every
bit as strong as survival. Focus on the
fact that you did the kind things. You
made the world a better place. Your
thoughts will change eventually the more kind deeds you do. Do you see how your own thoughts try to wreck
the goodness you did by making you overthink and over analyze your
actions? Just be with the fact that you
made the world a better place. Accept
that you are kind. Accept that you are
wonderful. Act as if, and the feelings
(thoughts) will follow.”
would have nothing of it. He preferred
to stew in self-pity and bemoan the thought that he would never live up to some
self-imposed-fantasy notion of perfection.
I tell you
this story because my conversation with this man really struck me. I had to look at the fact that since I believe
there are no accidents, there must have been a reason why I was there in the
first place. What did I need to learn
about my own sick notions of perfectionism?
And then I
remembered a recent conversation with my mentor Lefty.
Last week I
told him I wanted to do a weight loss EFT tapping video, but I felt like I’d be
being a hypocrite because I am over weight myself.
think you have to be in perfect shape to help someone else?” he asked.
said, “It’s just that I feel somehow disingenuous making a video about weight loss
when I am just beginning that journey myself.”
when Lefty repeated himself. And I’ve
been around Lefty long enough to know that when he starts repeating himself there’s
no getting through to him. (Just like me saying, “So what?”)
As Lefty and
I kept talking I realized I was worried about what others would think of me and
how I would look in front of the camera.
Then I realized my main motivation for wanting to lose weight was
body-image related. To which he replied:
“So what? (You see where I get it?) Your motivations don’t matter. Just do it.”
In this case
he did go on to say that losing weight solely
for body-image reasons rarely causes lasting changes in diet. “As you go along,” he said, “You’ll start
eating better because of health reasons.
It’s OK to want to look better, but the main goal is to be healthier. That produces the lasting changes.”
What do you
think about motivations and doing good deeds dear readers? Do you struggle with perfectionism and
thoughts that try to sabotage everything you do? Take a few moments to reflect on where you
are in your life right now. Are you
happy? Are you living your dreams? If not, what needs to change? Are you waiting
for the “right” motives before you start living your dreams? Start today taking the actions you need to
effect positive changes in your life and in the lives of those around you and
watch your life (and theirs) blossom even more.
And drop me
a line here at the Wonder Child Blog. I’d
love to hear your thoughts about this post and your ideas about doing good
deeds; about motivations; about perfectionism.
Whatever’s on your mind. Thanks
for reading. Have a great day.
Oh, and I’ll
be taping and posting the EFT weight loss video this weekend.
Copyright Joseph Anthony of the Wonder Child Blog