Ray’s Rays Number 10: Honoring the Emptiness, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Ray Number 10

Honoring the Emptiness

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

There is an old saying that it is the emptiness

in a bowl that makes it useful. Of course, the form

creating the emptiness also makes it useful.

Without the form—no emptiness. Without the emptiness–

no form. I tried for years and years to fill the emptiness

that seemed to always exist in my heart, in my soul.

I tried all manner of addictions, all manner of spiritual traditions.

They seemed to work for awhile, but not really.

And so the emptiness remained.

It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized

the emptiness is important, even though it often

felt painful and endless and vast. Still, I learned,

(and am learning still) it is essential to my inner life.

There was no longer the urgent need to fill it.

There was no longer the idea that if the emptiness was there

then it was something I wasn’t doing, or not doing right, or enough—it was perhaps

something I was doing that was sinful and wrong—something I shouldn’t be doing.

I wasn’t saying the right prayers, I wasn’t eating the right foods,

I was masturbating and looking at porn (of course, there’s nothing

wrong with masturbating or looking at consensual porn.

It’s just growing up they were considered “sins.”), I was watching TV

for hours on end. I was being an asshole boy(girl)friend.

And then, this idea that emptiness is needed began

to inform my life. I could fill it if I chose, and sometimes

I did so with full consciousness and even with a desire

to share what overflowed. And sometimes I filled it without thinking,

and still do today. Social media is a powerful addiction for me.

If you’re living with an inner emptiness, perhaps try

to settle into it, or next to it, or around it—be the sacred form

that holds the sacred void. Perhaps fill it with dark water

and do a little scrying and see what arises. Perhaps

just leave it be—a living silence—a space that holds all things,

a space that holds no things. Perhaps try to love it, or, at very least,

acknowledge it. Perhaps change the form that holds the emptiness.

Perhaps do nothing, or dance, embrace, or create in the silence,

in the void within, and know it isn’t a weakness, or something wrong.

It is part of the totality of things, and is there

to give you the space to breathe.

 

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number 9: Unpack for the Journey, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 9:

Unpack for the Journey

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Sometimes, when we’re going through

a tough, confusing experience

we say, “we have a lot to unpack,” about that experience.

What we usually mean is that there’s a lot of work to do

around sorting our emotions, thoughts, and questions–

we want to make sense of something.

Throughout our lives, when do we literally unpack?

Sometimes it’s when we arrive at a vacation

or when we move into a new place.

Either of those is a beginning, another stop on the journey.

Perhaps it means a new adventure is about to begin.

Perhaps it means a difficult chapter of our lives has ended

and another, hopefully, brighter one is opening.

But perhaps we need to unpack in order to start,

and sometimes unpacking can be tedious. It might also be fun.

On a vacation we unpack our clothes, toothbrush, a book (or books) we brought,

we unpack our meds, our reading light.

When move, it means unpacking spoons and forks,

plates and cups, books, clothes, the blender, the coffee maker,

bedding, and perhaps, even, our sex toys.

Point is—when we’re unpacking from a move or arriving

on vacation—something new is happening. And it might be

scary. It might be thrumming with delightful expectations.

Whatever it is—we’ve arrived someplace new.

Perhaps try unpacking your emotions and thoughts

about the difficult, painful things in your life

as if it’s a new beginning, a new adventure. Love

what you find in the process. Toss out what you don’t need or want.

Cherish things you discover. Make use of what you lift

from the boxes and suitcases. And yeah, it may totally fucking suck.

It might be exhausting. And also, it is in your control how and when

and why you unpack. Remember you can always pack things away again,

and that is totally legit. Perhaps you’re going to save

the unpacking until another day, or after a nice, long nap.

You do you, there is no right or wrong.

Your life is wherever you’ve arrived either by conscious steps

or by being forced into a situation because you came out as trans

and your family is being assholes, or the economics

and ravages of late-stage capitalism have dictated the move.

Whatever the reason, perhaps try and be where you are–

in charge of the unpacking process. And also, please remember

you can ask for help and support. Who knows what curiosities

you might have forget about but find at the bottom of the box?

Who knows what memories may show themselves. Lift them

as if they are holy, and arrange them as best you can in your new space.

Make it all your holy place, and you, the lighter of candles,

and officiant of the new rituals that unfold into your life.

 

 

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number 8: You Are Enough, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 8

You Are Enough

By

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

Without you the world is incomplete.

This isn’t said to guilt you.

It is said to simply let you know

you are here and deserve to be here.

You deserve to take up space,

to breathe, to laugh, to seek your own way.

As the saying goes: You are enough.

But enough for what?

Does it need an explanation?

Of course not. And it’s also important

to think/feel through this idea of being enough.

What are you enough for? You are enough

for whatever it is you want/need to do.

You are enough so much that you know

sometimes you need the help of others.

You are enough as you are without the need to follow

social constructs of appearance, gender, sexual

orientation, gender roles, and the harms

of capitalism. You are enough no matter what.

You are enough to rejoice, to sing, to create, to dance,

to march, to stay home and read or watch TV.

You are enough to rest, to love yourself

with all the compassion as you do your closest friends.

Sometimes following our dreams is difficult, if not impossible

in today’s late-stage-terrorist capitalism, racism, marginalization.

And that’s what holy anarchy is for.

Forge your own way as best you can. Join a community

of like-minded, like-hearted, like-spirited people.

Pray and meditate if you choose, engage in pagan rituals,

cast all the binding spells you need. You are enough

to know you won’t stop fighting for justice.

You are enough to experience joy, happiness, contentment.

You are enough to take breaks and retreat into yourself.

You are enough to realize the importance of comfort zones

and why sometimes pushing past them is unhealthy.

You are enough period. So please, stay. Seek help

if urges of self-harm and/or suicide take up space in your head.

You are worthy. You are beloved. Your story is important

in the constellations of the universe. Take one more step.

It may or may not turn out OK. What is certain though

is you are loved and enough whether your brain believes it or not.

 

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number 7: Reclaiming Who You Are, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 7

Reclaiming Who You Are

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps the string of trauma travels all the way back

to the moment you were born—to that

exact moment when you were lifted

from your mother’s womb,

and the doctor pronounced your gender

based on your body parts, when the doctor

pronounced your health, when your parents

fixed a name upon you making it you

even though perhaps, it wasn’t.

Perhaps the first moment you ever felt

less than, like you’re body was wrong,

like your identity was wrong, like who you were

fundamentally was wrong, was the moment you were born.

Perhaps it all started there and it only threaded its way

up until this very moment.

Perhaps you are still asking who you are.

No matter your age—15 or 97, if the thread

of confusion stretches back through time to the moment

you were born and you were told who you are

without your input, it makes sense not to know now.

Despite their good intentions, they began molding you

while you were still covered with blood and inhaling the burning air,

and didn’t stop—the thread wound its way through your life

tangling the truth of who you inwardly knew yourself to be.

It’s time. Imagine that just-born-being spilling out into YOUR arms.

Imagine you shielding that child from labels, from constructs, even

from names. Imagine allowing that being to choose

their own name through you, and imagine

celebrating and supporting them if they choose

to change their name later in life—even if it’s a hundred times.

Imagine letting them tell you what gender they are—even if that changes

a hundred times over the course of their life. Imagine loving

and celebrating them no matter who they know and say themselves to be.

Imagine you taking charge over this screaming, bloody being.

Imagine cleaning them, imagine, perhaps, nursing them

whether you have breasts or not,

imagine feeding them somehow from your very being.

Turn away to shield the child from anyone who would try to control

or impose their limited, socially constructed ideas onto them.

And then realize: you gave birth to yourself.

You are your own parent. You are your own child,

and you are going to protect that child, yourself

with all the fire and fury of hell itself.

NO ONE will EVER hurt you again.

 

 

 

 


Ray’s Ray Number Six: Dance in the Dark, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 6:
Dance in the Dark
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Learn to love the dark.
Why should it need to be feared,
avoided, and something to conquer?
So much of what informs modern, western mediation
and spiritual practice is based on colonization and twisted competitive energy.
There is nothing to push through where darkness is concerned.
Deconstruct the ingrained paradigm that blackness is evil.
Refuse to participate in those racist roots.
Darkness is necessary for babies in the womb,
for seeds in the ground, for sleep, for the love of the moon,
for the inspiration of stars, for the carnival of fireflies,
for the magick of a candle burning, and, perhaps, most of all,
for the gifts of imagination, of dreaming, of meditation.
Dive in the darkness. Dance in the darkness.
This absence of light is holy.
Experience the timelessness, the spaciousness of darkness.
Watch the light come, the colors. And not to dissolve the darkness,
instead participate in the nourishment darkness provides.
Bathe in light if you choose that is gifted by the darkness,
but also try to bathe in the darkness itself. Focus
on the darkness, become one with the darkness. Unlike the light
it doesn’t hurt your eyes. Give thanks for the night, and rest easy, safely
in the refreshing coolness. Light may shine the way,
but not without the darkness that guides the light.

 

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number 5: Tag, You’re It, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 5:
Tag, You’re It
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

There is no center of all things other than
You.
From your vantage point—you’re it.
There is nowhere you can go
where you are not the center.
There are those who will say: “But that’s self-centered,”
by which they mean ‘egotistical,’
and they are right. Perfectly right.
What they don’t know is that the world needs you
to be egotistical. Reclaim the ego for what it is–
it is YOU. It is not the social construct of something “bad.”
It is your-self–a living sacristy–
every inch of you holy and worthy of space,
and time, and attention. Having an ego—better put BEING an ego
is common to us all. Thing is there are many who believe
the ego is arrogant, self-centered, something to be gotten rid of,
conquered (fuck colonialism), meditated away.
They have the second part right:
the ego is “self-centered.” It is the holy center
of a city that is You. Perhaps you’d prefer a forest rather than a city.
Maybe you want the holy center to be a sun, a moon, the third eye
of a dragonfly. Point is you are the center of all things. The universe
expands and unfolds from you. And not just some place in your mind.
The ego is far more than the mind. It is your totality—your body,
heart, and mind. And each of these are holy and have powers
to create, powers to survey, powers to sing.
Whether you consciously realize it or not:
You’re It. You’re the Big Bang. So make some noise,
even if that means whispering. Whispering can be
as powerful as a roar. You are every galaxy and star within
that galaxy. You are every nebula and planet. Make some noise and delight
in Your-Self. It is no one else, which makes you
the center, which makes you beloved, like everyone is.
So go–create the best kind of anarchy,
and have as much fun as you can.

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number Four: You’re Perfect by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number Four:
You’re Perfect
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Thing is, you’re it.
You’re perfect.
Do you have things you want to change
about yourself? Cool.
You’re still perfect.
You’re still whole and complete
and enough just as you are.
You may have things about yourself
that you’re “working” on.
Work is for capitalism. Work is shaded
with the patriarchy and the idea
you’re nothing if you don’t produce.
Work has to feel hard or else
it isn’t work, or else it isn’t valid.
It’s not a race. There is no finish line.
You won’t reach your goal
of self development.
You ARE the goal right here, right now.
Sure there will be difficult, challenging days.
Of course sometimes self-unfolding
may seem hard or be hard. Try reframing the work
as play, as an adventure, a dance. A dance with no
destination on the dance floor to get to. Try
reframing it as play. Try reframing it
as one, long, unfurling prayer.
If that doesn’t fit, try making it a game–
an elaborate game of Dungeons and Dragons.
Be whoever you want. Change if you want, if you need,
only remember:
You are perfect right here, right now just
as you are.

 

 

 


Ray’s Rays Number 3: You Are Already Enlightened, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Ray’s Rays Number 3:
You Are Already Enlightened
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

There are no levels.
There is no place to reach. No destination.
Meditation is not a competition.
There is no kindergarten enlightenment
that leads progressively up to a master’s degree in enlightenment.
You have light inside you, therefore you are already enlightened.
The west—the capitalistic west,
is all about conquering, fighting, winning, reaching a goal.
One doesn’t conquer one level of meditation
and then progress to the next.  It is a beloved journey.
There is nothing to fight—not the body, not the mind, not the ego.
It’s all you and it’s all holy and it’s all one big meditation.
It’s all one collective spiritual loveliness.
Meditate just because.
Please don’t feel bad or beat yourself up or stop meditating if it “feels” like
you’re not “getting anywhere.”
Meditate for whatever reason or reasons–
just not to reach a higher level.
Spirituality isn’t like that.
And if you have a teacher who says
they have reached such and such a level,
and tells you that you haven’t—then run.
They are full of shit.

You be you.

 

 

 

 


Your Way is Valid, Ray Number One, Being a Series of 30 Rays, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Your Way is Valid

Ray Number One
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

If you’re reading a book on spirituality, religion, meditation, or mindfulness,
and the author says their way is the “only,” way or the “one true way,”
put the book down. Line the birdcage, kindle a fire.
In matters of spirituality there is no such thing as an “only,” way or the “one true way.”
Run from the teacher who says their way is the “one true way.”
There is no room on the broad highway of the spirit
for elitism, exclusivity, or a profound lack of humility.
Everyone is different. Everyone’s journey is different.
No one has the only way, and no one
has the right or the authority to say you’re way is wrong.
Believe in yourself. Your journey is valid.
Your ways of praying, meditating, searching, praising, and longing
are perfect as they are.