Where I Belong, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Where I Belong

By

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

Sitting in my one room efficiency—a place I have come

To call, my burrow, I find myself

Looking back at memories of my life

And what I see are little trails—

Soundless except my mind gives them sound—

Little trails that veer off into woods

Or branch out into other trails–

They show events and conversations—

Happening right there in the path—

People emerge from the tall grass,

Say their lines, then disappear once again back

Into the field, and as I think of these memories

Some rise around bends, like mountains,

Others like bodies of water, and still others

Like wide valleys of snow, and I realize

I am not really looking back, but forward—

Looking for where the trails lead, if in fact

They lead anywhere—

For the very idea of going from here to there—

Of starting out and then winding up someplace—

Of following the trajectory of an event–

Suddenly seems effortlessly silly.

 

Where am I going?  What gives me the right

To go even imagine I am going anywhere?

Why do I suppose that this life leads somewhere

Or to some time? Why do I need to know

It has a happy ending?

 

Sitting here, alone, in the silence of my books,

I stop roaming the trails and foothills

Of memory, and instead, write this down–

And suddenly the answer appears before me—

Ink spilling form forward leaving letters as trails

And I am full of the emptiness that I have to

Go anywhere.

 

Here, with you,

Is where I belong.

 

 

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Today, After Praying, by jennifer angelina petro

Today, After Praying

By

jennifer angelina petro

 

 

Something changed.

A mountain got up

and danced away,

water broke from stone,

darkness fled my mind, like

so many angry crows,

a door opened,

a lost sheep was lifted

onto great shoulders

and carried home,

a way became clear,

a woman, clothed with the sun,

kissed my forehead,

light flooded my room,

windows opened

to bird song and blue sky,

feet were washed,

bread was placed

into tired hands,

answers dawned,

questions fell away, like

so many pieces of armor,

doubts were dispelled, like

melting snow.

Something changed.

In the twinkling of an eye,

In the speaking of his name,

Heaven bowed

And welcomed me home.

 

 

 

This poem is for Mandy.

 


 

 

 





i Cannot Weep Among the Autumn Trees, by jennifer angelina petro

i Cannot Weep Among the Autumn Trees

 

by

 

jennifer angelina petro

 

 

 

i’ve tried,

and those

who know

a bit

about

the depth

of dark

that hovers

over my head

knows

how much

i weep.

 

Walking

amongst

the autumn

trees, tears

shed

into the wind,

but do not fall—

they sail golden

into the wind

which is

different

than weeping.

 

No. i am

not cured

of the illness

which i am

a carrier of.

No. i am

in autumn’s

reprieve.

 

Which begs

the question:

why not

go out and be

with the trees

everyday?

Because somedays

the dark hands

holding my ankles

have just

too strong

a grip.

 

Which begs,

of course,

another

question:

how did you

get free enough

today to walk

among the trees?

 

Look—

that leaf—

that piece

of gold lying

in the brittle,

browning grass—

those treetops

lit up

above the darkening

branches—somehow

lifted the shackles

away and kissed

my feet, and said:

There

are poems

and photographs

waiting

for you.

Go. You may

never have

the strength

again.  Go.

We will

hold off

the dark as long

as we can.

 

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Including You, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Including You

By

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

Now that autumn is in full gear

And the air fills the lungs with letting go breaths,

The time has come once again

When the slant of light catches you off guard

And you find yourself weeping

Watching the precipitation from the trees

Vesturing the ground with red and gold.

 

There is nothing you can do.

The allegory of the leaves and change

Has been around as long as trees themselves.

You cannot get around letting go.

 

And there are times letting go turns

Into a flood of things sailing away

Just beyond your reach into a day full of cidered light–

And you can only watch, or try

 

To look away, nevertheless parts of your life

Will be draped on the ground like so many

Torn shards of shifts and shirts

And they will be there waiting for you

To witness their being caught down in unavoidable winds

And you will be left with either becoming

Hard, like a tree whose blood slows to frozen,

 

Or ebullient like a flower girl at a wedding, tossing

Rose petals along the aisle where death

Sits on one side and life on the other,

And your processional of letting go distracts everyone

Momentarily from the marriage about to happen

That will leave everyone, including you,

Searching frantically inside

For the one they used to love.

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 





Rising, Falling, Rising, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Rising, Falling, Rising

By

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

Watching the particles of dust

Falling in the lamplight

Of my bedroom reminds me

 

We are all falling,

Largely unseen in a light

So bright we careen into it, like

So many infinitesimally small moths.

 

Have you ever tried

Focusing your eyes

On a specific speck of falling dust–

The tiniest sliver of a snowflake,

As it sailed the currents

Of air in your room?

 

I have. After several attempts,

Which resulted in losing sight

Of the scintilla of dust in the white of the wall,

I was finally able to trace one

Descend, like the smallest slice of string

From some disintegrating, illuminated leaf,

 

It fell, and I saw it rise

When I exhaled, dip suddenly

When I inhaled, bank wanderingly

Towards the wall, tail back

And make my eyes cross

When it landed on my face.

 

Remember this:

After you turn out the light

Grains of dust fall upon you,

Pieces of pieces of falling white feathers

Slowly, methodically, like

The faintest of snow falls,

Covers you and everything

You love, like snow-embers

From some unseen fire,

 

And one day, when you realize

Your life is being traced by a greater

Vision, you will wake up

And see your life brushed

With ash, and you will rise,

Shake it off, remember

You are a pinch of stardust,

A dash of spice, a smidgen

Of fragrance, and it is time

To elaborate on the trajectory

Of your dreams, and turn the unavoidable

Process of falling

Into flying—

Flying into the light

Of your own brilliant desires.

 

 


 


 




The Stone Ledge, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

The Stone Ledge

By

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

 

The slant of light upon the grass

Where tattered tapestries of autumn leaves

Rise and fall, reveals the bones

Of a long since dead bird.

 

How is it I never noticed it before?

How is it I never stopped to grieve the leaving

Of this winged being?

 

Oh, I am busy, I know, but I do

Almost always look down when I walk,

So why?  Why did I not see?

 

Perhaps before it died I could have

Done something to help it live, take

It to a sanctuary or aviary,

Perhaps, at very least, I could have given

It a proper burial.

 

Now its bones, brittle, air-gone,

Lie in a little heap, wings fanned out

Into forever.

 

There is no going back.

There is no back to go back to.

However, there is a point of no return.

 

The way ahead is dark, empty

Of sky and wind, the way ahead

Is bones revealed in autumn,

The way ahead is wings spread

Without sky, without the holy

Uplifting.

 

I turn, bend close, go ahead

And lift the dead bird in my hands,

Carry it to the stone ledge, retrieve

A garden shovel, dig, let my nose run,

Place the skeleton down as gently

As I possibly can, return the earth,

Bless the leaving, cover the hope

Of ever flying again.

 


 

 

 

 


 




Stations, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Stations

By

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

“Have a good one,”

the teller said,

and I wondered

as I carried my bags

to the car:

“Which one?  One what?

Why limit yourself

to only one?”

 

The autumn train

is pulling away from the station

leaving trails of red

and gold in her wake.

 

Having missed my stop

owing to worry

and a pull to end

my own life, I roam

the Philadelphia streets

looking for someone

to tell me there will be other

ways to get through

the winter stations,

there will be friends

at the end of the line

holding signs and flowers,

there will be an end

to the tears,

 

and spring will be there

waiting to the do the rest—

waiting to welcome

a good one home.

 

 


 

 

 





Catfish Creek, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Catfish Creek

by

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

Some days

and more

some nights

 

the catfish creek

beckons me

to lift my skirt

 

and wade into her waters

and find rest

among the leaves

 

falling on my upturned face

and passing clouds

fogging my eyes

 

until the night comes

and drains everything

in crimson currents

 

where no one will find me

except the cottonmouth

and the rainbow trout

 

and the moon

fading in the floating palms

of my empty hands

 

 

 

 


Awakened, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Awakened

by

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

This morning I was awakened

by pain in my left heel.

Until that moment, asleep or awake,

for probably somewhere in the neighborhood

of forty years, I forgot I even had

a left heel.

 

Why is it, I need pain in order

to wake up to parts of my own body?

How much like this, I wonder,

is my heart and mind, and anything left

hidden in the vast storehouse

of the soul?

 

 

 


 

 





So Inclined, by Jennifer Angelina Pedro

graceful-autumn-tree

 

 

So Inclined

by

Jennifer Angelina Petro

 

 

Standing by the gold-flecked stream

watching leaves plucked from the trees

in droves by the wind, one cannot help,

if one is so inclined as to reflect on these things,

but notice how much like death

autumn must be.

 

Perhaps, when the time is ripe,

and the soul is heavy with longing,

and the great wind comes,

it will pluck my soul and spirit

right from the branches of my body

and cast them into the gold-dappled stream

flowing towards the sea.

 

It’s strange, isn’t it, that during autumn

the air is crisp, fresh, clarifying;

and the light slants in such a way

as to ignite the trees with joy even

as the trees relinquish themselves

to the letting go.

 

Harvest me autumn,

for the chlorophyl of hope has drained

from my face and limbs,

and seeped into the ground

to nourish the roots and bones

of those who already gave their all,

collect me in your harvest-hands

and turn my despair into gold.