Winter Solstice by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Jennifer

Winter Solstice
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

My life thinking
I was a man
Froze into one long
Winter solstice;
During the darkness
Of beards and switch blades
I moved through time asleep,
During the endless
City-silencing snow
Confused relationships
Shattered like ice-laden branches,
During the deep cold of addiction
And orgasms dissociation in the ceiling
Provided momentary relief
From this mist-filled body,
In the frost-shawled grass
I stood barefoot to see
If I was alive, and when it snowed
I would drop and make flocks
Of angels to see my imprint
In wings and a dress,
Little did I know
This solstice was a Bethlehem,
Little did I know
My spirit was ripe with child,
Little did I know
Herod would have killed me
By mistake,
Little did I know
Light grew in the womb
Of my soul,
And with each lengthening day
More of me crested
From the dark bush of the dark mother
Into the world of melting snow,
And mother darkness
Became my heaven
Swaddling me in thankful,
Earth-scented arms,
And now, as I shed these last days
Of winter,
I find myself
Stepping into my life
Born fully realized
As Ruth, lover of Naomi,
As Mary Magdalene,
Lover of alabaster and fragrance,
As one of the two women
Grinding together
In Luke, only when the night comes
We shall both be whisked away
Scented in the sweetest sin,
Swathed in the most holy darkness,
And carried to heaven’s bed
Where we can bloom a Summer Solstice
Between our oceanic bodies of bliss.

Thank you for kind donations. All gifts go to my transition.

The Gift of Seeing Our Breath

Posted on November 26, 2015 by Jennifer

The Gift of Seeing Our Breath
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

I.
As a child, as summer slipped into fall,
And the first frost shrouded the grass in little, dissolvable crystals,
I would go outside first thing in the morning
And make my mouth into a wonder-filled O,
And breathe. And when I saw my breath
Spill wispy veils upwards into the air, like so many unfurling ghosts,
I rejoiced and ran in my footy pajamas back to my bed and covers,
To contemplate this most marvelous thing.

My friends and I walked to school back then,
And on the first day it was cold enough
To see your breath, every few steps
One of us would say: “Look! I can see my breath!”
And we would stop and we would see and we would say:
“That’s so cool!”

This morning I saw a little girl step from her front door,
Make her mouth into a wonder-filled O, and breathe.
I just caught the look of amazement in her eyes as I drove past.

II.
What a gift this being alive, this being able to see our breath,
This casting of feathery nets that needn’t catch anything into an invisible sea of blue,
This gentle launching of ships of clouds—
What a gift to live in amazement,
What a gift to be able, on the coldest of days,
To be reminded we are alive, we are warm in here,
We are message bearers sharing silken signals,
“This is mine,” we say, “and I share it with you.”
We are makers of clouds and shepherds of little flocks of adventurous sheep,
And not a single one of us breathes alone,
We share the breath of those we fear
And those we love, as summer slips into fall
And the world becomes shrouded in frost,
And coldness touches everything—pause,
Let us make our heart into a wonder-filled O
And breathe, letting our warmth spread defiantly into the cold.

And one day when we breathe our last
Our spirits will spill upwards in feathery spirals
And be carried on the shoulders of the breath
Of the living, and we will rise, our souls shaped like
Wonder-filled O’s, and we will slip into the arms of angels
Who will bear us back to a bed of softest down,
Tuck us in to rest, kiss our forehead
And whisper, “Rest now. Tomorrow is a new day and there is much to do,
And many people to fill with amazement. ”

Prayers of the Ghosts

Posted on November 22, 2015 by Jennifer

Prayers of the Ghosts
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

Inside of this forest of skin and bone
The autumn sun shines through the branches,
Evening breathes through the leaves,
Deer step from the center to the edges, silent as sunset,
A stream sculpts a pathway through the trees drawn by a waiting sea,
An owl spreads her wings and glides over the marsh of my fears,
A mountain, full of sleeping momma bears, stands behind me, sturdy and steady,
The moon sings through the crisp air spilling its song through the dancing ferns and whirling leaves,
Ghosts pray in the darkness, spreading ancient hopes and beckoning for light,
While dreams rest on the ground, languished on the cushioned earth and tangled in roots,
Waiting for me to answer the prayers of the ghosts, and set them free, like
Handfuls of butterflies on a newly realized morning in a newly realized spring.

This Being Transgender

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Jennifer

This Being Transgender
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

Dear Autumn,
This being transgender reminds me of what you must face;
People who haven’t thought of you for ages
Suddenly find themselves thinking of you and lamenting your arrival,
Others find you a fascinating anomaly in an otherwise endless summer
Of sameness and dreamy afternoons;
Others force themselves to stop thinking of you
With hopes of postponing an imaginary, apocalyptic winter,
Still others think about you so much they stop talking to you
And pretend you no longer exist, they fear
Your blazing changes will rub off on them,
They think your very appearance signals a heresy
That will send summer reeling—
Which it does–but not in distress does summer
Go tumbling through the leaves and out of town, it rolls on
Joyous of your presence and relieved
To finally be able to breathe fully and see spring’s children
For who they really are. And the heresy? It is there–
It signals the living fully what love stands for–
And that means comfort zones expanded,
Walls removed, and doors opened into the reality
Of the here and now, 2015.

Dear Autumn,
I see your graceful letting go,
I see you casting gold with trembling fingers,
I see your swaying vulnerability against a stark blue sky,
And I know I let go far less gracefully,
I cling to what must be tossed away,
I flail about believing
There is nothing gold about me
To even bother sharing;
I begin believing those who can longer look at me
Or who dread how I will influence their children—
I know better though, I know they only fear
How I will influence them—how I will magically
Nudge them away from the summer
Of their inner, thinly-hidden discontent
And out into the blazing colors of enlightenment,
I know better, but I cling to brittle branches
Of self-loathing.

Dear Autumn,
So many people tell me they need time to be able to just see me,
Some still believe a death has occurred, and yet, here I stand in my autumnal truth.
You and I both know nothing dies when you arrive;
Summer cartwheels over the hills and warms
Another place happy to be free to think new thoughts,
The leaves you share feed the soil and fertilize the seeds of spring,
The harvest of apples feeds many with mulled sweetness,
And if they could only see you in my soul
And be awed at the revelation of color and the arrival
Of gold and my ability to finally stand in the fifth direction
Of my journey, with all of the certainty of wonder and hope
Of voyaging further into the sky, the streams, the purple mountains,
The heart of love, and the ground of being;
If they would only look in the mirror of their deepest fears—
And see love looking back at them,
And how the faces of spring infants and angels of flamenco
Gather around the edges of their vision, then maybe they would get it—
Their reflection looks like us and them—it looks like every single tree
To ever wave in the wind and sleep bathed in moonlight,
And just rest easy knowing we are not signaling the end
Of all that is warm and held sacred,
We are heralding the beginning of freedom,
We are taking the leaves of sacredness
And casting them where they truly belong–
Into an infinite sky of infinite variety.

What the Cicada Sees, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Jennifer

What the Cicada Sees

Jennifer Angelina Petro

After combing through
Layers of moist earth and mazes
Of roots, the cicada nymph
Blooms from the ground
And begins climbing
Seeing only sky,
And branches
Waving: “Come on,
You can do it!” And it climbs–
Eyes on the prize, heart pumping,
Wings tingling waiting for space
To unlatch and spread,
Voice still trapped in an ever
Thinning skin, confidence
Growing with every plunge
Of its hooks–higher
Until it suddenly stops
In mid-motion,
Pauses in time and space,
Unable to go even one more step
In its old clothes,
And then,
And then it gives birth unto itself,
Slowly sloughing off
Doubts and fears,
Never once losing track
Of the heaven awaiting
And the heaven of the moment,
And the heaven of simply opening
Itself to the sky,
And letting the song it has been
Composing for years soar
Through the summer trees
Announcing to all things
The truth of transformation,
The truth that we are all
Bound to change,
The truth that even the darkest time
Spent among roots and soil,
Leads to wings, leads
To open spaces, leads to becoming
Who you really are.

All donations go to keeping the Wonder Child Blog afloat and to my Transition. Thank you. Love, Jennifer

A Life Lived With Wings, by Jennifer Angelina Petro

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Jennifer

A Life Lived with Wings

Jennifer Angelina Petro

You see the opening from which

wings unfurl swirling rainbows

from which champagne colored eyes

see a multitude of possibilities—

from that opening, from that wound

that started like an insatiable itch,

a mysterious longing for light–

from that space and focus of pain

bloomed the song of summer,

birthed a patient hider,

a thrower of voices, a winged symbol

of resilience—staying underground

for as long as needed—

seventeen years or forty-seven,

nursing roots of trees, absorbing

moon-drenched waters,

clothing yourself in earth,

until your back thrums, until

what little, stumbling strength

you have turns into grappling hooks,

and you find yourself emerging

from your own life—climbing

towards what you never knew

you wanted, until you can say,

like me, I am a walking opening,

I am a living wound, I am

the giving birth to myself, I am

the one with rainbows in my eyes,

I am the one who sings

Deep into the sky, the story

of a life lived with wings.

All donations go to keeping the Wonder Child Blog Afloat and my Transition.

Thank you. Love, Jennifer

Can You Imagine?

Posted on October 13, 2015 by Jennifer

Can You Imagine?
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

Who would ever tell autumn leaves

They really should have stayed green?

Sure they were born all manner of greens—

Supple, minty, luminous shades;

Can you imagine a moment knowing

You were golden inside even though outside

You had always presented otherwise?

Can you imagine the terrible joy?

Can you imagine new colors beginning

To show and spreading to the tips

Of your fingers, without being able to stop them?

Imagine you were really a fire of purple

And blazing red, imagine you ingested

Bits of the sun and now bloomed orange

And lemon and vermillion,

Imagine reminding everyone of apple cider

And hay bales, and mazes made of corn fields.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine opening enough

To include the miraculous?

Can you imagine what it is like to realize

Once you discover who you really are

That you have to let go of root and branch,

And leap into the wind, swirl onto rivers

And streams, and dance into the wild,

Blue, accepting sky without knowing

Where you will land?

Say Her Name

Posted on October 8, 2015 by Jennifer

Say Her Name
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

Say Her Name
Tamara Dominguez
Say Her Name
Elisha Walker
Say Her Name
Kandis Capri
Say Her Name
Amber MonRoe
Say Her Name
Shade Schuler
Say Her Name
K.C. Haggard
Say Her Name
India Clarke
Say Her Name
Ashton O’Hara
Say Her Name
Mercedes Williamson
Say Her Name
London Kiki Chanel
Say Her Name
Mya Shawatza Hall
Say Her Name
Keyshia Blige
Say Her Name
Kristina Gomez Reinwald
Say Her Name
Bri Golec
Say Her Name
Penny Proud
Say Her Name
Taja Gabrielle de Jesus
Say Her Name
Yazmin Vash Payne
Say Her Name
Ty “Nunee” Underwood
Say Her Name
Lamia Beard
Say Her Name
Papi Edwards
Say Her Name
Kiesha Jenkins
Say Her Name
Say Her Name
Say Her Name.

Spirit shepherd
Welcome Her home,
Goddess of trees
And of mountains,
Shelter Her home,
Shepherdess of lions and deer
Lift Her on your back
Of grace and power
And carry Her home,
Exalt Her by raining down
Awakening to the masses,
To Her being human,
To Her being transgender,
To Her just being a person
Who should have been able
To be what She needed
And done what She wanted
Without fear of harm;
Goddess of light and of darkness
Hold Her family like
The earth holds seeds in winter;
Shepherdess of Moonlight
And dragonflies, find the way
For all to see: this hatred
Must stop, this ignorance
Must stop, this violence
Must stop, this acting out
Twisted insecurities
Must stop—
And enlightenment
Needs to grow–opening hearts
Need to grow.
Brothers and sisters
Join me
And Say Her name,
Pray Her name,
Shout and sing and chant
Her name, cherish Her name,
Treasure Her name,
Speak Her name as if it was your own,
Whisper Her name to the trees,
Weep Her name to the spaces
She once filled,
Plant Her name
In the collective consciousness of the world
And allow it to grow
Into fields of sunflowers,
Write Her name
On the pages of every heart,
Sculpt Her name
With the tender hands of
Mercy and compassion,
Breathe Her name
Into the nostrils
Of every man—enliven them
With self-understanding
And the ability to see past
Their own ill-conceived
And irrational fears,
Baptize Her name
With justice and laws
That makes sense
And that work—

Brothers and sisters
Rise up, take one another
By the hand and lift up Her name
In your voices of
Enough
Is Enough,
And Say Her Holy Name
Tamara Dominguez
Elisha Walker
Kandis Capri
Amber MonRoe
Shade Schuler
K.C. Haggard
India Clarke
Ashton O’Hara
Mercedes Williamson
London Kiki Chanel
Mya Shawatza Hall
Keyshia Blige
Kristina Gomez Reinwald
Bri Golec
Penny Proud
Taja Gabrielle de Jesus
Yazmin Vash Payne
Ty “Nunee” Underwood
Lamia Beard
Papi Edwards
Kiesha Jenkins

A Sunflower Asked Me to Write This Poem

Posted on October 3, 2015 by Jennifer

A Sunflower Asked Me to Write This Poem
By Jennifer Angelina Petro

Sun-kissed,
Sky-shawled,
Sunflowers
Look very different
From the way
They start out–
Little seeds tucked in hypnotic
Spirals, and yet sunflowers
Do not need to prove they exist,
They simply open
Their palms to the light
And say: “Here I am,”
And everyone sees them
And everyone understands
Seed and blossom are not
Two opposite ends
Of a spectrum,
Neither seed nor flower choose
To be what they are,
They simply exist,
And everyone smiles
And says: “Beautiful.”

You see
The other morning
I stopped to marvel
At a sunflower,
And as I stood admiring
The strength to stand
So tall, the dignity
To shine so much light
From such a round, lantern face
I heard it speak:
“I know you see me,
I know you see beauty
When you see me–
Go ahead embrace me.”
And so I did.
We swayed a moment
Slow dancing to the music
Of the early morning sun,
And as we did I heard it speak again:
“I have moved on
From husk and shell,
I have moved on
From living hiding
In the blind ground.
I am here now,
And you see me,
But did you know
There are those
Who do not believe
I exist? They ask me
To prove I belong,
They ask me to justify
My being a sunflower
Because they only knew me
As a seed.
I know you understand,
I know you live as one of us.
Help them to see.”
And so I promised
The sunflower
I would write this poem.
Sunflower seeds
May or may not know
They are sunflowers
Waiting in the wings
To bloom, in the same way
A sunflower can look back
And see it once was a seed.
For all we know sunflower seeds
Might think they are, and will never
Be, something other
Than how they presently present, and if pressed
With questions might ask one of their own:
What is a sunflower?

When is their moment
Of awakening, when they realize
They have a deep, undeniable,
Longing for light?
Is it when they finally crack
Under the pressure of trying
To remain as they have always
Appeared yet for some
Unfathomable reason know
They are something other?
Is it when their seams burst
Unable to withstand the pull
Of warmth and daylight?
Do you think it is possible
They are frightened
When they finally lose themselves
And understand they really are
Someone they never knew they were?
Do you think it is hard for them
To dig through darkness,
To push past rocks, to believe
Another life awaits, where light
Will caress their hands and face?
Or do you think they believe
That there is no possible way
A flower lives inside them?
That they are still themselves
As they weave through the dark earth?

The sunflower asked me
To write this poem to reassure you:
The essence of the seed is shadowed
In their faces and more importantly, it remains is visible
In their spirits, in the beauty
They express to the world.

The next time you see a sunflower
Embrace it gently through your misgivings,
Know nothing is ever lost—
The shape changes, the beauty remains
Only now it is held in the arms
Of the open, unconditional sky.

On the Devotion of Shaving

Posted on September 26, 2015 by Jennifer

On the Devotion of Shaving
By
Jennifer Angelina Petro

One by one,
Finger by finger,
I shave them
Delicately and
With a certain,
Indescribable joy;
I am amazed at how fast
The hair grows on them,
And on my legs, arms,
And chest—places
I never before shaved
Nor ever dreamed of shaving;
Now, every day,
I bend forward, pausing a moment
To feel how much this feels
Like prayer, and I draw
A Venus razor up and under,
Around and around
My calves and thighs, like
An instrument of devotion,
And my legs are so
Happy, so grateful to be touched
And tended, and when I am finished
And feel their smoothness
And how they thrum with being loved,
They tell me again and again
How this was always
What they wanted;
And as I draw the razor
Over my arms, they too shine
With gladness, as does
My chest, although, to be completely
Honest, the skin on my chest isn’t
As happy about being shaved
As the rest of this body,
That said, it loves the absence
Of hair and the silkiness
Is remarkable, as is the strange sense
Of being a mother,
That I have been living
Shrouded with the fur of a father,
And now as it falls into the water
Of the tub, and my skin sings
And rejoices to be unburdened,
I see I am a priestess
And this body a vessel
Of holiness, and every stroke
Of the razor, every experiment
With Nair, every time I run
A finishing razor to find
The stray hairs, I am tending
A temple where Goddess lives
And aches to be known and to know,
Where she shares lotus flowers
And sandalwood, where she kisses
My soul, and breathes over my fears
And cares turning them
Into dragonflies and milkweed seeds,
Where she tells me again
And again, “Thank you
For honoring me with the truth,
Thank you for being born and being
Your very own mother,
No wonder you are tired,
Allow me to nurse you
Into fullness and cradle you
And sing to you
As you rest in the grace
Of the revelation
I have given, and how bravely
You have surrendered
And how naturally
You have stepped into your power,
How carefully you are tending
The garden of who you really are,
Come, rest my daughter,
Allow me to hold you
As sweetly as you are holding me.”

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