Runner
\nBy
\nJoseph Anthony Petro
\nI am a runner. I have spent my whole life
\nUp to this point running from things.
\nPain, for example. I run from pain,
\nAnd the past, the future, and the truth
\nOf myself. Sometimes I run long distances
\nBefore even realizing I\u2019m running; but there I am
\nRunning\u2014things flying by in my wake and there\u2019s no time
\nTo lose. Sometimes the road gives way
\nAnd a ledge or a wall suddenly appear
\nAnd I find myself collapsing out of nowhere
\nInto a ball of exhaustion and shame.
\nSometimes I run headlong into the very things
\nI am trying to avoid since they feel
\nSo strangely familiar. And sometimes
\nTime does the running for me, like
\nOn the days I lose myself staring at the ceiling
\nAs the summer afternoon runs by my window, like
\nA ribbon of light filled with the sounds
\nOf children playing and lawn mowers
\nAnd passing airplanes.
\nLately, another more tragic truth has revealed itself:
\nI also run from things no one should ever
\nFeel compelled to run from. Things like
\nJoy\u2014pure, unadulterated joy. Joy that encompasses
\nPleasure both earthly and heavenly\u2014joy
\nThat doesn\u2019t know the difference between the two;
\nJoy that includes perfection and imperfection,
\nFullness and emptiness and once again,
\nCould care less which is which. Joy that\u2019s comprised
\nOf puddles, whimsy, praise, and just the right amount
\nOf mischief. And most of all a joy constituted
\nWith divinity\u2014the steady, ringing divinity
\nThat shimmers just below the surface of all things.
\nSometimes I run from that very joy.
\nToday I see and accept that I am a runner,
\nAnd in this moment\u2014this one, this one right here
\nI choose to pause, collect myself, breathe and focus
\nAnd hone in on joy. I see it up ahead,
\nIt looks like a field of darkness illuminated by a carnival of fireflies,
\nIt looks like a horizon blooming with light and song.
\nI see it. I breathe it. I taste it. It\u2019s there.
\nSo here I go, I’m running again,
\nOnly this time I am going to run straight towards joy,
\nAnd I am going to keep on running
\nNo matter what anyone says or does not say,
\nNo matter what anyone does or does not do,
\nNo matter what happens or does not happen,
\nNo matter what appears to be or actually is\u2014
\nI am going to keep on running until the running
\nBecomes dancing and then I\u2019m going to run some more
\nTowards what I was and what I am created for.
\nI am a runner and I am going to run towards joy.<\/p>\n
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