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<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Dead Name Sings<\/p>\n
by<\/p>\n
Jennifer Angelina Petro<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I do not wish to erase a life,<\/p>\n
By attempting to wash away a name,<\/p>\n
Joseph is not a dead name.<\/p>\n
It lives on, echoing in Jennifer,<\/p>\n
Weaving through references<\/p>\n
And documents, old photographs and letters,<\/p>\n
It lives on because memories are living things;<\/p>\n
Please do not mishear or misinterpret<\/p>\n
What I am saying—Joseph was a name<\/p>\n
Given to a body\u2014not a soul,<\/p>\n
Not an understood gender;<\/p>\n
I am Jennifer Angelina Petro\u2014my chosen name\u2014<\/p>\n
And that is how I will be called\u2014it is, one could say<\/p>\n
My married name\u2014I kept the surname\u2014<\/p>\n
For Joseph and I are married in perhaps<\/p>\n
The truest sense of the word\u2014<\/p>\n
And so I am to be called: Jennifer Angelina Petro.<\/p>\n
Call me Joseph and I might weep<\/p>\n
And he will understand<\/p>\n
And take no offence–he wants me to be seen,<\/p>\n
Affirmed and embraced by the world;<\/p>\n
For these reasons alone,<\/p>\n
I have no interest in evaporating<\/p>\n
An entire existence, because it did not<\/p>\n
Encompass then who I am now.<\/p>\n
Joseph was a gentleman,<\/p>\n
And like all good men, offered to give himself<\/p>\n
Completely to his beloved, and so we are one,<\/p>\n
And I know he did pretty fucking good<\/p>\n
All those years I lived unknown.<\/p>\n
Joseph held down the fort<\/p>\n
Until the cavalry of truth came riding in<\/p>\n
Blowing the doors off a life lived in shadows,<\/p>\n
And he sang while no one, and everyone,<\/p>\n
Was listening:<\/p>\n
\u201cJennifer Angelina,<\/p>\n
Love of my life, true goddess of my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
And yes he sings through this voice, and touches<\/p>\n
Through these hands\u2014<\/p>\n
He deserves as much for all he has done,<\/p>\n
For all he suffered from those who tried to keep him<\/p>\n
From knowing I was there waiting in the wings,<\/p>\n
Sending signals and cues, lines, and motions,<\/p>\n
Gestures, and fascinations that bemused him<\/p>\n
With secret joy,<\/p>\n
He tried to let me out and was met<\/p>\n
With abuse and the worst of what religion can do,<\/p>\n
So he did what he could to keep me alive and safe–<\/p>\n
He hid me in the pockets of his dreams,<\/p>\n
Singing all the while where only I could hear:<\/p>\n
\u201cJennifer Angelina,<\/p>\n
Love of my life, true goddess of my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
And when he finally began to crack<\/p>\n
From the weight of carrying a whole other life<\/p>\n
In the womb of his soul, he crumbled,<\/p>\n
Did his best to break my fall as he fell, and then,<\/p>\n
As I stepped more and more into the open,<\/p>\n
He slowly disappeared behind the curtains,<\/p>\n
Singing: \u201cJennifer Angelina,<\/p>\n
Love of my life, true goddess of my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
But he is not dead–<\/p>\n
Joseph lives on,<\/p>\n
And he is holy\u2014a sacristy made of unwanted<\/p>\n
Flesh and blood\u00a0 where a priestess of beauty<\/p>\n
Prepares for mass.<\/p>\n
And the more I take center stage<\/p>\n
And live a life of epic proportions,<\/p>\n
And grand style, operatic adventures,<\/p>\n
And plot twists a-plenty, the more he willingly<\/p>\n
Fades into the background, back to into spirit,<\/p>\n
And he does not want to be beckoned back,<\/p>\n
He does not want his name called out\u2014<\/p>\n
He laid down his life for the sake of his love–<\/p>\n
And as he fades I hear him<\/p>\n
Whispering incantations and prayers,<\/p>\n
Spells of enchantment and protection,<\/p>\n
Runes of good cheer and prosperity,<\/p>\n
And sometimes, from the rafters,<\/p>\n
Where he has perched himself to watch and to guide,<\/p>\n
I hear: \u201cJennifer Angelina,<\/p>\n
Love of my life, true goddess of my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
And we celebrate the end of a run,<\/p>\n
And toast the beginning of a life<\/p>\n
Lived in lights–where anything is possible,<\/p>\n
And all things shine freely, truer than true,<\/p>\n
A life full of roses and ovations, dinner parties<\/p>\n
And rave reviews,<\/p>\n
And more calling cards than the biggest star<\/p>\n
On Broadway,<\/p>\n
And sometimes, when the house has emptied<\/p>\n
And I am alone backstage, removing my makeup,<\/p>\n
He steals next to me, drapes his coat<\/p>\n
Over my shoulders,<\/p>\n
And walks me home through the hatred<\/p>\n
I live with and the alleyways, and the transphobia<\/p>\n
That echoes with far away trains and honking cars,<\/p>\n
Scavenging cats, and sirens that flash in the puddles<\/p>\n
And shop windows,<\/p>\n
And when we get to my place<\/p>\n
He kisses my hand, and turns,<\/p>\n
Shimmering once again into the shadows, singing,<\/p>\n
Like spring, like moonlight,<\/p>\n
Like stars, like wind, like an angel, he sings:<\/p>\n
\u201cJennifer Angelina, love of my life,<\/p>\n
True goddess of my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n