Ray’s Rays Number 12

On Coming Out

By

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

The thing about caterpillars is

they make their own shrouds.

They form into a chrysalis and then

dissolve. Slowly, they reconstitute themselves,

until they are ready to reemerge a winged-being.

Making the analogy between butterflies blooming

from cocoons and queer people coming out,

can be instructive. Remember though, the caterpillar state

is perfectly legit, as is the chrysalis phase.

Unlike the caterpillar though, that has a predestined time

when it must open to the sky, people coming out do not.

When National Coming Out Day rolls around, please

do not pressure anyone to come out. Please don’t

pressure yourself to come out. Some queers choose,

and, indeed, need to stay in the closet chrysalis,

and they are no less valid or queer. If someone

is too afraid to come out for whatever the reason

support them. There is no finish line, and no right

or wrong way to come out. You do you. Seek support

if you need/want it. Stay in the closet as long as you want

and/or need. No one can tell you you’re not doing it right,

no one can tell you you’re not being a good activist.

You—and only you—know best, and a good, gender-affirming therapist

can be a huge help in sorting it all out. There needn’t be any

shame in seeking and/or needing/wanting support.

Before leaving this entry, there are couple things to know:

“Chrysalis,” comes from the Greek, and means, “golden.”

The word, “Psyche,” also comes from the Greek, and means,

among other things—the soul, breath, spirit. The Greeks

personified Psyche as the Goddess, Eros, who was represented

sometimes as a butterfly. The word, “analysis,” likewise

comes from the Greek, and means, to set free. If you need a therapist

to help you analyze your unique set of circumstances

with regard to coming out, please know, getting help is holy.

Sorting things out with a gender-affirming therapist may help

free the butterfly, the soul, from the golden protective sphere in a safe way. And that

is called, wisdom. Once the butterfly hatches, it is vulnerable

as its wings form and the colors swirl and settle into place.

This is all holy and sacred. Please be gentle and patient with yourself

during this process, and, just as importantly, be gentle and patient

with each other. Learning to fly into an infinite sky

can be terrifying. It’s also full of magick and wonder—and dangers.

So, please come out only at your own time

you dear, wonderful, perfect butterfly.