Category Archives: general spirituality

Ray’s Rays Number 9: Unpack for the Journey, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 9:

Unpack for the Journey

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Sometimes, when we’re going through

a tough, confusing experience

we say, “we have a lot to unpack,” about that experience.

What we usually mean is that there’s a lot of work to do

around sorting our emotions, thoughts, and questions–

we want to make sense of something.

Throughout our lives, when do we literally unpack?

Sometimes it’s when we arrive at a vacation

or when we move into a new place.

Either of those is a beginning, another stop on the journey.

Perhaps it means a new adventure is about to begin.

Perhaps it means a difficult chapter of our lives has ended

and another, hopefully, brighter one is opening.

But perhaps we need to unpack in order to start,

and sometimes unpacking can be tedious. It might also be fun.

On a vacation we unpack our clothes, toothbrush, a book (or books) we brought,

we unpack our meds, our reading light.

When move, it means unpacking spoons and forks,

plates and cups, books, clothes, the blender, the coffee maker,

bedding, and perhaps, even, our sex toys.

Point is—when we’re unpacking from a move or arriving

on vacation—something new is happening. And it might be

scary. It might be thrumming with delightful expectations.

Whatever it is—we’ve arrived someplace new.

Perhaps try unpacking your emotions and thoughts

about the difficult, painful things in your life

as if it’s a new beginning, a new adventure. Love

what you find in the process. Toss out what you don’t need or want.

Cherish things you discover. Make use of what you lift

from the boxes and suitcases. And yeah, it may totally fucking suck.

It might be exhausting. And also, it is in your control how and when

and why you unpack. Remember you can always pack things away again,

and that is totally legit. Perhaps you’re going to save

the unpacking until another day, or after a nice, long nap.

You do you, there is no right or wrong.

Your life is wherever you’ve arrived either by conscious steps

or by being forced into a situation because you came out as trans

and your family is being assholes, or the economics

and ravages of late-stage capitalism have dictated the move.

Whatever the reason, perhaps try and be where you are–

in charge of the unpacking process. And also, please remember

you can ask for help and support. Who knows what curiosities

you might have forget about but find at the bottom of the box?

Who knows what memories may show themselves. Lift them

as if they are holy, and arrange them as best you can in your new space.

Make it all your holy place, and you, the lighter of candles,

and officiant of the new rituals that unfold into your life.

 

 

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number 8: You Are Enough, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 8

You Are Enough

By

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

Without you the world is incomplete.

This isn’t said to guilt you.

It is said to simply let you know

you are here and deserve to be here.

You deserve to take up space,

to breathe, to laugh, to seek your own way.

As the saying goes: You are enough.

But enough for what?

Does it need an explanation?

Of course not. And it’s also important

to think/feel through this idea of being enough.

What are you enough for? You are enough

for whatever it is you want/need to do.

You are enough so much that you know

sometimes you need the help of others.

You are enough as you are without the need to follow

social constructs of appearance, gender, sexual

orientation, gender roles, and the harms

of capitalism. You are enough no matter what.

You are enough to rejoice, to sing, to create, to dance,

to march, to stay home and read or watch TV.

You are enough to rest, to love yourself

with all the compassion as you do your closest friends.

Sometimes following our dreams is difficult, if not impossible

in today’s late-stage-terrorist capitalism, racism, marginalization.

And that’s what holy anarchy is for.

Forge your own way as best you can. Join a community

of like-minded, like-hearted, like-spirited people.

Pray and meditate if you choose, engage in pagan rituals,

cast all the binding spells you need. You are enough

to know you won’t stop fighting for justice.

You are enough to experience joy, happiness, contentment.

You are enough to take breaks and retreat into yourself.

You are enough to realize the importance of comfort zones

and why sometimes pushing past them is unhealthy.

You are enough period. So please, stay. Seek help

if urges of self-harm and/or suicide take up space in your head.

You are worthy. You are beloved. Your story is important

in the constellations of the universe. Take one more step.

It may or may not turn out OK. What is certain though

is you are loved and enough whether your brain believes it or not.

 

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number 7: Reclaiming Who You Are, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 7

Reclaiming Who You Are

by

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps the string of trauma travels all the way back

to the moment you were born—to that

exact moment when you were lifted

from your mother’s womb,

and the doctor pronounced your gender

based on your body parts, when the doctor

pronounced your health, when your parents

fixed a name upon you making it you

even though perhaps, it wasn’t.

Perhaps the first moment you ever felt

less than, like you’re body was wrong,

like your identity was wrong, like who you were

fundamentally was wrong, was the moment you were born.

Perhaps it all started there and it only threaded its way

up until this very moment.

Perhaps you are still asking who you are.

No matter your age—15 or 97, if the thread

of confusion stretches back through time to the moment

you were born and you were told who you are

without your input, it makes sense not to know now.

Despite their good intentions, they began molding you

while you were still covered with blood and inhaling the burning air,

and didn’t stop—the thread wound its way through your life

tangling the truth of who you inwardly knew yourself to be.

It’s time. Imagine that just-born-being spilling out into YOUR arms.

Imagine you shielding that child from labels, from constructs, even

from names. Imagine allowing that being to choose

their own name through you, and imagine

celebrating and supporting them if they choose

to change their name later in life—even if it’s a hundred times.

Imagine letting them tell you what gender they are—even if that changes

a hundred times over the course of their life. Imagine loving

and celebrating them no matter who they know and say themselves to be.

Imagine you taking charge over this screaming, bloody being.

Imagine cleaning them, imagine, perhaps, nursing them

whether you have breasts or not,

imagine feeding them somehow from your very being.

Turn away to shield the child from anyone who would try to control

or impose their limited, socially constructed ideas onto them.

And then realize: you gave birth to yourself.

You are your own parent. You are your own child,

and you are going to protect that child, yourself

with all the fire and fury of hell itself.

NO ONE will EVER hurt you again.

 

 

 

 

Ray’s Ray Number Six: Dance in the Dark, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 6:
Dance in the Dark
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Learn to love the dark.
Why should it need to be feared,
avoided, and something to conquer?
So much of what informs modern, western mediation
and spiritual practice is based on colonization and twisted competitive energy.
There is nothing to push through where darkness is concerned.
Deconstruct the ingrained paradigm that blackness is evil.
Refuse to participate in those racist roots.
Darkness is necessary for babies in the womb,
for seeds in the ground, for sleep, for the love of the moon,
for the inspiration of stars, for the carnival of fireflies,
for the magick of a candle burning, and, perhaps, most of all,
for the gifts of imagination, of dreaming, of meditation.
Dive in the darkness. Dance in the darkness.
This absence of light is holy.
Experience the timelessness, the spaciousness of darkness.
Watch the light come, the colors. And not to dissolve the darkness,
instead participate in the nourishment darkness provides.
Bathe in light if you choose that is gifted by the darkness,
but also try to bathe in the darkness itself. Focus
on the darkness, become one with the darkness. Unlike the light
it doesn’t hurt your eyes. Give thanks for the night, and rest easy, safely
in the refreshing coolness. Light may shine the way,
but not without the darkness that guides the light.

 

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number 5: Tag, You’re It, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 5:
Tag, You’re It
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

There is no center of all things other than
You.
From your vantage point—you’re it.
There is nowhere you can go
where you are not the center.
There are those who will say: “But that’s self-centered,”
by which they mean ‘egotistical,’
and they are right. Perfectly right.
What they don’t know is that the world needs you
to be egotistical. Reclaim the ego for what it is–
it is YOU. It is not the social construct of something “bad.”
It is your-self–a living sacristy–
every inch of you holy and worthy of space,
and time, and attention. Having an ego—better put BEING an ego
is common to us all. Thing is there are many who believe
the ego is arrogant, self-centered, something to be gotten rid of,
conquered (fuck colonialism), meditated away.
They have the second part right:
the ego is “self-centered.” It is the holy center
of a city that is You. Perhaps you’d prefer a forest rather than a city.
Maybe you want the holy center to be a sun, a moon, the third eye
of a dragonfly. Point is you are the center of all things. The universe
expands and unfolds from you. And not just some place in your mind.
The ego is far more than the mind. It is your totality—your body,
heart, and mind. And each of these are holy and have powers
to create, powers to survey, powers to sing.
Whether you consciously realize it or not:
You’re It. You’re the Big Bang. So make some noise,
even if that means whispering. Whispering can be
as powerful as a roar. You are every galaxy and star within
that galaxy. You are every nebula and planet. Make some noise and delight
in Your-Self. It is no one else, which makes you
the center, which makes you beloved, like everyone is.
So go–create the best kind of anarchy,
and have as much fun as you can.

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number Four: You’re Perfect by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number Four:
You’re Perfect
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

Thing is, you’re it.
You’re perfect.
Do you have things you want to change
about yourself? Cool.
You’re still perfect.
You’re still whole and complete
and enough just as you are.
You may have things about yourself
that you’re “working” on.
Work is for capitalism. Work is shaded
with the patriarchy and the idea
you’re nothing if you don’t produce.
Work has to feel hard or else
it isn’t work, or else it isn’t valid.
It’s not a race. There is no finish line.
You won’t reach your goal
of self development.
You ARE the goal right here, right now.
Sure there will be difficult, challenging days.
Of course sometimes self-unfolding
may seem hard or be hard. Try reframing the work
as play, as an adventure, a dance. A dance with no
destination on the dance floor to get to. Try
reframing it as play. Try reframing it
as one, long, unfurling prayer.
If that doesn’t fit, try making it a game–
an elaborate game of Dungeons and Dragons.
Be whoever you want. Change if you want, if you need,
only remember:
You are perfect right here, right now just
as you are.

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number 3: You Are Already Enlightened, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number 3:
You Are Already Enlightened
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

There are no levels.
There is no place to reach. No destination.
Meditation is not a competition.
There is no kindergarten enlightenment
that leads progressively up to a master’s degree in enlightenment.
You have light inside you, therefore you are already enlightened.
The west—the capitalistic west,
is all about conquering, fighting, winning, reaching a goal.
One doesn’t conquer one level of meditation
and then progress to the next.  It is a beloved journey.
There is nothing to fight—not the body, not the mind, not the ego.
It’s all you and it’s all holy and it’s all one big meditation.
It’s all one collective spiritual loveliness.
Meditate just because.
Please don’t feel bad or beat yourself up or stop meditating if it “feels” like
you’re not “getting anywhere.”
Meditate for whatever reason or reasons–
just not to reach a higher level.
Spirituality isn’t like that.
And if you have a teacher who says
they have reached such and such a level,
and tells you that you haven’t—then run.
They are full of shit.

You be you.

 

 

 

 

Ray’s Rays Number Two: Inhaling the Spirit, By Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Ray’s Rays Number Two

Inhaling the Spirit
By
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

Taking is the capitalist, colonizing way.
Instead of “taking a breath,”
when meditating or doing yoga or a relaxation exercise,
try asking for a breath.
Try inhaling with the spirit,
with the gesture of it is shared oxygen.
There is enough for everyone.
There is no need to take your breath insuring you’ve got yours.
It is a shared, common sky.
There is no scarcity of oxygen.
Perhaps try letting the breath take you.
Perhaps try simply saying:
“I breathe in fully, borrowing a breath from the breath of the cosmos.”
Or: If leading a mediation try: “Breathe in.”
There is no need to take anything.
So, breathe. Breathe with gratitude.
Breathe with a spirit of communion and connection.
Breathe knowing you are one with the infinite breath of all things.

 

 

 

—

Your Way is Valid, Ray Number One, Being a Series of 30 Rays, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Your Way is Valid

Ray Number One
by
Radiance Angelina Petro

 

 

 

If you’re reading a book on spirituality, religion, meditation, or mindfulness,
and the author says their way is the “only,” way or the “one true way,”
put the book down. Line the birdcage, kindle a fire.
In matters of spirituality there is no such thing as an “only,” way or the “one true way.”
Run from the teacher who says their way is the “one true way.”
There is no room on the broad highway of the spirit
for elitism, exclusivity, or a profound lack of humility.
Everyone is different. Everyone’s journey is different.
No one has the only way, and no one
has the right or the authority to say you’re way is wrong.
Believe in yourself. Your journey is valid.
Your ways of praying, meditating, searching, praising, and longing
are perfect as they are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Reflections on Lovemaking, by Radiance Angelina Petro

Posted on by

Reflections on Lovemaking

By

Radiance Angelina Petro

 

Reading a book this afternoon, called, Sexual Ecstasy (hey, why not? Yeah, I mean, I’m basically ace, or demi-sexual, or abstinent by circumstances or perhaps by choice, but I can dream and study and wonder, can’t I?), I am aware how many times the author, Margo Anand, refers to sex as “lovemaking,” one word. When I wasn’t just looking at the pictures, I saw this word, “lovemaking,” a lot.  The more I did, the more I thought.

Can’t anything be love-making—two-words? Can’t walking (silently or chatting) be love-making? Can’t eating together be love-making? Can’t talking into the wee hours of the night be love-making? Can’t reading to one another be love-making? Or reading silently to ourselves in the same room, or serving one another, of easing the suffering of others, of being an activist?

I would say, yes. Love-making, to me, isn’t (shouldn’t) be confined to sexual-intimacy. Of course, it’s totally valid if you view love-making as lovemaking in a sexual sense. Some people, however, have consensual sexual experiences not as a fruit of romantic love, but as friend-love—friends with benefits, so to speak.  Sex doesn’t always have to involve romantic love, or even friendship.  It can be sex work; it can be casual.  Constraining sex to only romantic love limits the possibilities of not only what love can be, but also what sexual experiences can be.  As long as its enthusiastically consensual and safe for everyone involved, and doesn’t involve minors, then have at it.

Love goes both beyond the body and into the body. It can be of your own body and/or include the body of another—a sort of rhythm of inner and outer. It encompasses infinite variations of unfoldment—love between friends, love between monogamous couples, love in poly relationships.  Love unfolds as tenderness, openness, vulnerability, honest communication, deep listening, as well as fun, wildness, quiet calm, ecstatic singing, ecstatic silence, helping others, compassion, kindness, and more.

Further, as I began to reflect on all of this, the question arose: Can any kind of love between people be “made?” If so, what does that mean? Is love like a recipe? Is love like a canvas, clay on a potter’s wheel, a melody of music? It can be.  I mean, it’s legit to think of it as that.  I also like to think that love isn’t “made,” so much as cultivated, but then again, that’s like making love in the sense of creating a garden with someone and/or someone’s. I guess, in this moment, the best way I can express this thought is that perhaps love is just there—everywhere, and when people connect (physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, life experientially, for a common dream, for laughter-ally, etc.) they are participating in something that already exists.  In other words, it’s more like merging with a hidden-in-plain-sight river, or song, or breath.  Yeah, that’s it.  Love is like air.  When we consciously love it’s like consciously breathing. It’s a sharing, a partaking of the furtherance of the flow of things. It’s a quiet (or wild) celebration of the air, of sunlight, moonlight, holy darkness, of earthiness, of clouds, of the laughter of creation.

In addition, my dear friend, and wonderful writer, Elaine Mansfield, reminds us that creativity in and of itself is love-making. It needn’t involve physical touch or to even be in the same room with someone. Creativity nevertheless reaches out and touches others.  Elaine, speaking of when she’s chasing written inspiration, says:

“I can feel hot on the trail of something when I’m writing–and that’s a kind of love-making for me and it involves “touching” others.”

Not only is writing self-love, it indeed touches the reader even if that reader is hundreds of miles away. For touching goes beyond the physical, beyond the body. And this kind of touching goes with all forms of creativity.  The painter paints, and their work touches us.  A composer composes and their music touches us.  A singer sings and their song touches us.  It is the same with dancers, sculptures, and all other creative love-making.  They make love with us in the most genuine and intimate ways.

Self-love can also encompass self-sexual pleasuring, setting boundaries, practicing holy solitude, self-care, and so on.  Love is just as valid and powerful alone, doing “nothing,” as it can be between people in any kind of consensual, safe relationship paradigm one is a part of.

Someone once said, the purpose of life is to learn to love and be loved.  I think that’s a wondrous idea, but perhaps not the purpose of life (or, at very least, not the only one).  I haven’t a clue, really, what the purpose of life is.  It’s different for everyone and for every relationship.  It also doesn’t need to have a “purpose.”  It can just be—just exist in the experience of existing without attaching a goal to it.

These are some things I thought about today, alone on my Treehouse, wondering whether or not I should delete OKCupid and Tinder, whether I am surrendered to being single, abstinent or ace, or will I keep looking for some kind of relationship.  There is much deconstructing yet to do in my cultural conditioning of what love is, and that it goes beyond romantic love. Keeping in mind the original meaning of “romance” is a story, and adventure.  In that light, life itself is one long romance with the world, and with one’s self, and with others in one form or another. In the end, it simply is what it is, even as it is sometimes touched with sorrow and longing for me.  It’s also flavored with a quiet, growing acceptance of who I am and how my life has unfolded and is unfolding. Love is the here and now at the same time it’s the blossoming of horizon after horizon.  It’s fun to think about–to think about all the manifestations love can be/is, and not just confine it to sexual intimacy, just as light is not confined to the day, just as wisdom is not confined to the mind, just as seeds are not confined to the darkness.